apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
