he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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