Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
