i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
