Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
