Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
