Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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