I'm eating all of the evidence.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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