why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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