Pappa wants mamma naked
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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