I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
