yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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