Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Every concussion has its silver lining
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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