I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
