from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
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