I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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