Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
