If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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