that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
