Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
