woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
