i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
