Will you blow on my dice?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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