my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
