Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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