You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it hurts more in the daytime
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
