so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
