Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
