Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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