we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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