Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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