GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
