Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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