this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
