took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
