I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
