Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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