I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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