I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
