I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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