Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
