Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
