I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
