So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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