im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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