I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
