I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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