the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
