Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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