Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just got carded by a ten year old.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
