I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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