the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
