You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
