his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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