we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm like, not good at living.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
